First, I need to apologize for the silence of the blog – it’s been over a month since my last post.
To say that I’ve been busy in real life would be an understatement. In the last four weeks, I’ve run myself into the ground, spent every last single drop of energy, strength, and mental fortitude that I possess.
I’m sure I’m not the only one that September hits like a ton of bricks.
In the last few days, I have found myself really struggling with the reality of my own limitations. I’ve come to the place of crying out to God to help me – how can I do everything that I need to do? I don’t want to spend my life feeling constantly worn out and never caught up. I don’t want to waste the last few years that I have with my youngest child, running like a rabid hamster on a wheel. Bad analogy, I know. But seriously, that’s how I was feeling.
I’m not going to tell you that I’ve figured it out or that I have the answer to it all. But I am going to say that I spent some time today lifting my eyes. I know that God has brought me to this place in my life; He is the One who has opened doors and given blessings. But I needed to be reminded that it’s not in my strength that I need to do the things set in front of me.
A few years ago, I came across this Scripture:
For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”
But you were unwilling, and you said,
“No!” Isaiah 30:15-16a
I’ve known for a long time that I can’t do anything in my own strength. I’ve learned that the hard way. And obviously, I need to be reminded of it all again. I catch myself thinking, “I have a lot on my plate, and I’m responsible to be a lot of things to many people.” If I’m not careful, I start using my Jesus time to “ramp up” my own strength and make myself feel good because I did it. It becomes about me…getting what I need for the day, instead of laying everything down at His feet and saying, “LORD, You are king of my life. You own this day. What is it that YOU want me to do today? I am not going to use my own strength. I’m not going to use my own wisdom. I am going to depend solely and completely on You. You are my strength and wisdom.”
We live in a world where exhaustion and depletion of our physical bodies is a reality for all of us. God knows this, and He says, “Come and rest.”
I need to be reminded of this so often. Maybe you do, too.
So, yes, I’m still physically tired. But Jesus is still enough. I can rest and rely on His supernatural strength.
Yes, I’m still dealing with the life things that come along with the whole Mom and Wife part of my life. But Jesus is still enough. I can rest and rely on His all knowing, all seeing, all loving wisdom.
Yes, I still am facing deadlines and a huge amount of creative work. But Jesus is enough. I can rest and rely on His creativity and His timing.
And if I’m willing to learn in this classroom of pain, maybe I won’t have to take yet another pass around this particular mountain and through this particular valley. I’m not quite ready to share, as I’m still praying and sorting through this divinely taught lesson, deciding what part of this needs to remain personal and which should be shared for the benefit of others.
I can say that He is dealing with areas of my life where I have a hard time handing over the reigns. They are ouchie spots for me. My mind and heart tell me that they are raw and bloody – a wound created from past experiences. My spirit tells me that the Healer has His mighty hand on them, and there is no need to be afraid to face them, because Jesus is enough. His sacrifice on my behalf is enough to conquer anything that affects me.
I don’t know when I will get back to regular blogging – I’m in the midst of sorting through everything that takes the minutes of my days and laying them at His feet. I will promise you this, though, if He gives me something to tell you, I will do it. Today, what He wants me to say is, Jesus is enough.